Mom

Mom, mother, mommy what ever you call her, I hope we can all say ours is special, the love and care they give us as a child, the guidance and protection they offer as we grow up and to lose this special person is a terrible blow. I write this on the day before my mom's funeral, it keeps me busy and pleases me to know that people might read this and they too will feel the love she shared.

Smiling Teenage Mom

My mom, Doris Evelyn Powell died on the 18th December 2022 at the age of 71, not a grand age by any means, I will eternally miss her and perhaps writing this is helping me with my grief. Evelyn as she liked to be called didn't want to buried, didn't even want a plaque, mom as with my nan wanted us to remember her in whatever way we wanted to, after my nan, Doris (again) gained her wings, my mom bought flowers on the anniversary of her passing, something I intend to do from now on.

I didn't want mom to pass without being remembered and so this 'post' will in some way rectify this, her life, her image and the love that she shared and received will be there. A wise wizard (of Oz) once said you are not judged by how much you love but by how much you are loved, true words indeed.

I have never written an eulogy before but I hope this rather unpolished collection of memories and thoughts about mom makes sense.

Doris Evelyn Powell nee Sumner was a survivor, whether it be a heart transplant, kidney transplant, domestic abuse or divorce, Evelyn would get back up, dust herself off and carry on but what installed her with this sense of determination, a quiet strength that kept her going? It was the love for her children Michelle and Alan and the resolution that they would have  a normal upbringing whatever the cost, this strength however was not only reserved for them, it was unquestionably given to her grandchildren Sarah, Chloe and Emily and that when or wherever possible they too would benefit from this steadfast affection. Evelyn's warmth and care were also extended to her parents, Doris and Harold, to her brother Robert and his family Teresa, Catherine and Edward and to her cousin Hazel, even to those she didn't know, Evelyn cared and would offer help or assistance whenever she could. Since her passing Alan and Michelle have been touched but not surprised by the affection people have offered to them upon hearing of mom's passing, a testimony to that loving nature.

Mom was not always in good health, following an illness in 1986 that attacked the muscles in her heart she was given just 6 weeks to live unless a heart transplant was performed, thankfully a donor was found and so at the age of 34 Evelyn was rushed to Papworth Hospital in Cambridgeshire and underwent the operation, transplant at the time came with a high amount of risk, the whole idea of transplanting organs was still in its infancy with the pioneering surgeon Dr Christian Barnard retiring only several years earlier. Evelyn was told she could expect to live a further five years, little did they know Evelyn was a fighter. For the next several months mom recovered, firstly in a protective bubble, then in the grounds of the hospital where she shared a home with five men, mom would often joke about the mountain of tablets taken between them and how living with five men was something she wouldn't forget in a hurry, Evelyn stayed in touch with several of her fellow transplant patients over the following years until their sad passing. It is at this time that Evelyn's strength and stubbornness was born, with her children living hundreds of miles away with their grandparents, Evelyn was determined to get back home as soon as possible, failure was not an option, so single minded was she on recovery that Evelyn surprised her doctors and within several months was back treating Michelle and Alan to a day out at London Zoo and although the following years would be both physically and mentally straining Evelyn was literally back on her feet.

Mom was a 60's Teenager

Pleasing her children was something mom loved doing, birthdays were of course a time for celebration and so mom organised birthday parties at her local church 'Old Fallings' that her own mom, Doris attended and whether it be a clown or magician these special occasions would not go unmissed and as Michelle and Alan grew up and became 'to old' for a clown they were replaced by Mc Donald's and Wimpy parties.

Holidays were also a special time for Evelyn, perhaps mom's happiest days were spent at Butlins, firstly with her eldest granddaughter, Sarah and her mom and then later with Alan and Chloe, Evelyn visited 14 years in a row, each Whit Week would be spent at the seaside, creating happy memories. Sarah, Chloe and although very young, Emily can happily remember their nan being there while they played for hours on end, watched shows and went swimming. Circus Du Hilarious became a family favourite with the annoying slogan 'accident' becoming the catchphrase of the week.

Sarah, Evelyn's eldest granddaughter remembers also remembers how she would bake cookies with her nan, putting on the rice paper characters and letting her lick the bowl and how she always wanted to be there when she graduated from her university studies. Chloe, Evelyn's second eldest granddaughter remembers how her nan used to proudly wear the jewellery she made for her and the Christmas paintings she had made that took pride of place on the hearth. Emily, Evelyn's youngest granddaughter fondly remembers her nan was always there to watch her in the many school plays she performed in and waving from the audience.

Mom With Two Of Her Grandchildren Sarah & Cloe (not pictured Emily) On Holiday In Minehead

Michelle warmly remembers their time together at coffee shops, they would often meet up and have a chat and a gossip about all that had gone one, the mother-daughter bond in full display over a cup of tea and a slice of cake. Michelle especially remembers on a trip down to London they shared a glass of wine and of course more gossip. Cake became a favourite treat, whenever she was in the city centre with her grandchildren it was 'understood' that cake would at some point be included. Alan fondly remembers a time when Evelyn had, had perhaps to much rich fruitcake, while at home Evelyn was struck with a bad case of rumblings of the bottom variety, Evelyn stood up and kept breaking wind and as the room filled up with a slight, unpleasant odour. Evelyn burst into laughter, sending Alan into fits of laughter too, so much as that were running down their faces, which in turn only created more rumblings, childish perhaps but a happy, maybe smelly memory, Evelyn with all that she had been through had not lost her sense of humour. That Christmas for one of his presents Alan received a rumbling teddy, they both knew what occasion this represented. Cake would also have a part in a sad diagnosis years later, on her 71st Birthday when offered a sweet treat, Evelyn exclaimed that she didn't like cake, another signal to Michelle and Alan that something was wrong. Alan also remembers his mom's humours streak, that might at first not be expected was certainly once again on show when they went to see the Shaun The Sheep Movie, obviously aimed at children, Evelyn found it hilarious this time laughing uncontrollably and exclaiming at the end 'oh wasn't it fun'.

Michelle also remembers how proud she was of her mom when she gave her away at her wedding, the role traditionally reserved for the father, Evelyn took on the position with great pride.

It's Time To Party Mom

Following her heart transplant both Evelyn and Doris wanted to thank the doctors for all that they had done, for giving Evelyn a second chance of life and so together they organised church fetes, once again at Old Fallings to raise money for the British Heart Foundation, over the next few years they were able to raise several thousand pounds however, Evelyn was once again struck with ill health, the anti-rejection tablets she had taken for her new heart had taken their toll on her kidneys and by 1993 Evelyn needed a kidney transplant, whilst waiting for the operation Evelyn was put on dialysis that required her to carry around a bag of fluid, once again Evelyn took it all in her stride, this latest setback was just that a setback, it wouldn't break her and so she carried on with life as normal as she could. Michelle remembers coming home from work and seeing mom preparing food with the dialysis bag gripped in her teeth, dinner would still be served. Once she had covered from her latest spell of ill health Evelyn once again turned her attentions to fund raising, she had previously volunteered at the British Charity Shop in Wolverhampton, she would continue to attend for nearly 25 years, making good friends and enjoying a good old natter, both Alan and Michelle can remember the attention they received whenever they visited the backroom of the shop and witnessed the warmth between the volunteers. Evelyn would also turn her attention to dancing, something she hadn't really show an interest in before and so took up line dancing and along with an old friend they partnered up and got into the swing of things. the steps didn't always come naturally to Evelyn and Alan remembers her trying to line dance in the living room without missing a step or indeed falling over, it often didn't go as smoothly as she would have hoped.

In more recent years mom volunteered at Oxfam with her cousins Hazel and Stephen, Hazel was also a close friend of Evelyn and they shared many happy times together, on day trips to places like Blenheim Palace or shopping for her favourite handbag, a Kipling or her favourite shoes, Sketchers, this trips came with a slice of cake, of course. Hazel remembers how on these day trips they used to joke about how they were the youngest on the coach but as the years went by they remarked how they too had become some of the 'old dears'. As with true friendships Evelyn and Hazel didn't always agree, 'sod you then' they would remark to each other then moments later have a good, old laugh about it. Towards the end of her life Hazel used to watch mom with her walking stick, making her way up the road to catch the bus home, Evelyn ever the independent used to joke 'don't watch me I'm ok' waving her stick in a joking fashion. Here at Oxfam, mom once again made good friends with whom she could have a natter with, talking about all different things but as Hazel once said she liked nothing more than to talk about how proud she was of Alan and Michelle and all the achievements her grandchildren were making, she certainly was a proud mother and grandmother. Hazel has since said that since Evelyn's passing how strange it is not to see mom in her seat at the back of the shop, how no one has a bad word to say about her and how she and the other volunteers have said they miss her warm smile, that's the thing most people remember about mom, her warm smile.

So is there anything we can learn from mom? I believe there is, to ensure you have a strong heart, to defy all expectations, even of those who know best, live your life dedicated to love, compassion and care and you too will find that inner strength to carry on.

There it is, my mom, Evelyn, someone who dedicated her life to her family, someone who gave all her love to us and someone I will miss eternally.

Cheers Mom, Mom's last Christmas 2021

R.I.P & God Bless

Doris Evelyn Powell 13-09-1951~18-12-2022